Warning fellow Torontonians! The city is under attack. Cowboys are invading our bastion of bohemian hedonism and spineless liberalism. In my three months here I’ve never seen a cowboy hat or boots or anything else cowboy until two days ago. Western Canada has been saving up their oil money to fund a cowboy coup in Ontario. Run for your life Dalton McGuinty! RUN!
As I write this , one of my advisors has informed me that the Grey Cup is on right now. They have also informed me that the Grey Cup is an important invent in a sport known in the United States as foot ball. Oh yes it’s all coming back to me. I remember hearing some young urbanites just the other day pretending to like foot ball, though they were utterly confused by how little the players used their feet
I guess we can lower red alert. It’s just a bunch of football fans from Calgary who have made the trip to the big smoke to watch the game. Here’s s proud western man dressed like a buffalo hunter strutting his stuff down Bay St. Showing Toronto a glimpse of western history and culture.And here’s two fat cowboys stuffing their faces with Big Macs.
Now I understand why Justin Trudeau chose this moment to go to Calgary and insult Albertans: all of the loud obnoxious lynch-mob types are in Toronto busy watching football!
All jokes aside though, thousands of people from Calgary have come to Toronto dressed in what I assume are stereotypical western costumes, at least I hope they don’t dress that way normally. What does that say about our national unity? It was realized a long time ago that sports rivalries are a 20th century replacement for violent 19th century nationalism. Why do my fellow Canadians peacock around like they want everyone to know that they’re different, that they’re not us? It’s not healthy! I know there is a real cultural divide between the conservative provinces in the middle of the country and more liberal ones on either side. I think it’s because western Canada watches SUN news and we listen to, well real news stations. (That’s not fair now is it? As Stephen Colbert said, “Reality has a well known liberal bias!”) But identifying as a small group within a country is bad for the country as a whole. There ought to be a plurality of opinion between Canadians, not two factions fighting each other. Football is just symbolic of deeper problems.
It’s also very possible that I’m making a big deal out of a football game! But who’s to say?
But what do you think? Does it hurt Canadian unity if you identify strongly with a geographical and political identity rather than a National one?